berbakti

as far as i can remember, i always be the serious one, and my brother became the playful one.

from very young age, i already thinking of how to handle my family, to be the one who’s responsible, especially for my parents on their retirement day.

that’s why i study hard, i do what i’ve been asked. i even took the major my parent wants me to, though i have no passion about it. there’s only one time i became playful, when i saw my brother can be reliable.

now i’m working in some big company, that paid me enough, and suddenly my family facing a problem, and i have to take part to be the one who can be reliable.

i think, with all i’ve done, it would be enough.

but turns out, it isn’t.

i stop asking big things to God. i have no ambitions to pursue. there’s only one thing i really want:

saya mau hidup tenang, tanpa merasa khawatir, cemas ataupun ketakutan.

saya hanya ingin bahagia.

 

dan setelah selama ini berdarah2, hanya bisa gigit jari saat mendengar pencapaian teman2 disekitar saya, pada akhirnya saya masih juga dianggap bersalah, hanya karena saya memilih untuk memanfaatkan uang yang saya hasilkan sendiri untuk menyenangkan diri sendiri.

lalu saya harus bagaimana lagi untuk akhirnya bisa dianggap berbakti? 😦

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