;)

if only you’re wondering,

no.

i’m not trying to win you back.

…

…

…

not anymore.

introspeksi

kadang kupikir bahkan seorang dokter pun tidak bisa mendiagnosa dengan tepat apa penyakit yang dideritanya sendiri.

kalo aku ga salah ingat pun, ada kode etik dokter yang menyatakan dia tidak boleh merawat pasien yang masih ada hubungan kerabat dengan dia. aku ga tau pasti, kalo salah maaf ya?

manusia seringkali bisa dengan mudah melihat apa yang salah dari orang lain. apa kekurangannya.

bisa dengan gampang memberikan kritik dan saran.

tapi saat dia dihadapkan sama dirinya sendiri. seringnya dia jadi tidak tahu dimana letak kesalahannya. merasa bahwa dirinya sudah melakukan yang terbaik yang bisa ia lakukan.

introspeksi jadi satu kata sederhana yang sangat sulit untuk dimaknai, dipahami, dan dijalankan seperti halnya ikhlas.

kadang bertanya pada yang bersangkutan pun kita belum tentu akan mendapatkan jawaban pasti di sebelah mana tepatnya kesalahan kita. pada akhirnya kita hanya bisa mengandalkan diri sendiri untuk mencari jawaban yang benar, mungkin tidak tepat benar, tapi paling tidak mendekati.

tapi jika sampai akhir pun kita tidak tau dimana salah kita, bagaimana cara kita memperbaikinya?

and somehow, i still wondering, where did i go wrong?

beyonce-dissapear

If i beg and if i cry
Would it change the sky tonight
Will it give me sunlight
Should i wait for you to call
Is there any hope at all
Are you drifting by

When i think about it
I know that i was never held or even cared
The more i think about it
The less that i was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, i can almost feel you
You’re nearly here
And then you disappear
(disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear
(disappear, disappear, disappear)

And then i lie all by myself
I see your face, i hear your voice
My heart stays faithful
And time has come and time has passed
If it’s good it’s got to last
It feels so right

When i think about it
I know that i was never held or even cared
The more i think about it
The less that i was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, i can almost feel you
You’re nearly here
And then you disappear
(disappear, disappear, disappear)
You disappear
(disappear, disappear, disappear)
You, you disappear

I missed all the signs
One at a time you were ready
What did i know starting our lives
No my love, i’m ready to shine

When i think about it
I know that i was never held or even cared
The more i think about it
The less that i was able to share with you
I try to reach for you, i can almost feel you
You’re nearly here
And then you disappear
You disappear, you disappear
You disappear, disappear

n.b cuma lagu yang kusuka loh, jangan diartikan macam2 ya? (^ ^)

could it be?

so,

i’ve been promissed to myself to not write such an explisit post about this. but something weird happened just now, and made me thinking.

so i just finished my night prayer and waiting for the shubuh prayer, when i opened my facebook. and like i used to do, i opened someone’s wall. read it all over again. being a masochist for my self then i realized there some post that missing from the wall. the post are just jump from some newest post, skip the post that made me sad for this couples day, to the post where i commented a few months ago, when our relationship on it’s best shape. i kinda surprised when i found this. and i try to scrolled up and down, checking if only my eyes got me wrong. but it wasn’t. and i started to think that it might be some bugs took part on this. but after i refreshed the wall, the post were showed up like it used to be. such a coincidence.

but since i believed there’s no coincidence in this world,i started to think, could it be it’s Allah’s way to answer my prayer? to just remember the good part, skip the worst and just moved on?

tradisi lebaran dan sungkeman

jadi,

beberapa hari kemaren, mungkin karena terpengaruh suasana lebaran, aku jadi berpikir:

apa yang identik dengan lebaran?

dan jawaban yang terlintas adalah: ketupat, opor ayam, sholat ied, mudik dan sungkeman.

nah untuk hal yang terakhir ini, boleh percaya boleh ga, di keluargaku yang baru 4 orang ini,, sama sekali ga ada tradisi sungkeman. sejak aku kecil sampe segede gini. setiap lebaran tradisi selalu sama dan berulang, bangun pagi buru2 siap2 bwat sholat ied, abis itu pulang makan dan buru2 lagi bwat siap2 berangkat nyekar ke tasik. pulang dari tasik dah kecapekan dan ga lama pada tewas, dan besoknya dunia berjalan normal kembali

untuk taun ini berhubung aku banyak ngeliat temen2 di fesbuk yang pada sungkeman, maka aku bertanya soal ini pada si mamah, dan si mamah hanya menjawab

” semua juga sudah mamah maafkan.

sebetulnya asal kamu begitu disuruh langsung mengerjakan juga dah cukup bwat mamah dek. “

sesederhana itu.

mungkin itulah cinta orangtua pada anak2nya, begitu anak2nya berbuat kesalahan, seketika itu juga mereka memaafkan

haha mungkin kami ini bukan keluarga yang romantis, dan seringkali melawan pakem yang ada. sering juga kami memangkas segala macam tradisi dan menyederhanakannya hingga hanya hal2 yang benar2 penting yang tersisa. ekspresi dalam kata2 pun sangat jarang beredar diantara kami. tapi meski begitu kami tau.

itu saja sudah cukup.

n.b: waktu aku minta sungkem sama si mamah, pada akhirnya si mamah malah ngegodain aku habis2an,, dan gagallah acara sungkem2an itu.haha,,

n.b.2: baru ngeh kalo ternyata aku belum minta maaf dan sungkem sama si papah dan si kaka,,dan barusan pas aku bilang sama kakaku reaksinya hanya: “halah..” that’s all.

what a family!

(^ ^)

Status Status

jadi,

tiba – tiba saja sudut otakku ini berpikir tentang masalah ga penting ini ,

kenapa di beberapa situs jejaring sosial, pilihan statusnya hanya berkisar antara: SINGLE, In a Relationship, Married, dan Complicated?

situs bukuwajah punya pilihan status yang sedikit lebih banyak. hanya saja yang jadi pemikiranku, kenapa ga ada ya pilihan status seperti ini:

SINGLE, but not available.

SiNGLE, but not interested.

ato yang paling oke

SINGLE, and DON’T EVER THINKING!!!!

ah dan juga status seperti ini:

Married to A, B, C dan D (maksudnya adalah 4 orang yang berbeda)

ato kenapa ga dikasih aja gitu kotak kosong dimana kita bisa menuliskan apa status yang ingin kita tampilkan di profile kita. kaya kotak “About Me” di friendster, ato “Tentang Saya” di bukumuka. yakin deh, pasti setiap orang bakal bisa tampil beda heheheh…

ah dan tadi tercetus dari sahabat saya yang kegilaannya sebelas dua belas sama saya:

“Ko ga ada status Rujuk ya??”

what a world!

)

there, it’s finally come to an end

jadi,

sebetulnya aku ngepost dua postingan yang berbeda dengan judul yang sama, but i was to shy to post that one on this blog, so i posted it to another one

hanya tiba2 bertanya2,

why some of us should through to the wrong person – sometimes lots of – before we get to the true one?

and there’s others that can go straight to the right one?

why sometimes we should go through the broken hearts before we get the ever after?

but like someone told me before,

broken hearts surely heals,

we just need sometimes to get over it,,

maybe it’s time to learn to be ikhlas,,

he’s just not that into you

so,

just watched this movie, and love it so much! makes me think lot of  things. i recomend  this  movie, and wanna share the thoughts also hoho

“girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up:

if a guy punches you, he likes you.

never try to trim your own bangs

and someday, you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.

every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it.

the third act twist:

the unexpected declaration of love.

the exception to the rule.

but sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending,

we don’t learn how to read the signs.

how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t.

the ones who’ll stay from the ones who’ll leave.

and maybe this happy ending doesn’t include a wonderful guy.

maybe it’s you…

on your own…

…picking up the pieces and starting over.

freeing yourself up for something better in the future.

maybe the happy ending is just…

moving on.

or maybe the happy ending is this:

knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls and broken hearts…

through all the blunders and misread signals…

through all the pain and embarrassment…

you never, ever gave up hope.”

*      taken from the movie he’s just not that into you

** wish that i’ll be the exception for someone…

…someday

Breakeven

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don’t believe in
‘Cause I got time while she got freedom
‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man thats gonna put her first
While I’m wide awake she’s no trouble sleeping
‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I’m all choked up and your ok
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise word’s gonna stop the bleeding
‘Cause she’s moved on while I’m still grieving
‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I’m all choked up and your ok
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I’m falling to pieces
(‘Cause when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven)

O you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Now I’m trya make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don’t believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don’t break, no it don’t breakeven

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I’m all choked up and your ok
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces
I’m falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving)
I’m falling to pieces
(Cos when a heart breaks no it don’t breakeven)

Oh it don’t breakeven no
Oh it don’t breakeven no
Oh it don’t breakeven no

*luv this song!:D

time

so,

yes there’s something happened, i can’t say what.

makes me thinks a lot.

maybe it’s time to move on.

so just move on.

but why i found it harder than i thought?

just need more time.

it’ll end someday.

just need more time.

maybe for the best.

hoping as i can.

don’t want to regret anything.

and at the end of the day

i’ll be just fine.

just need more time.

i need more time.

*maka apabila engkau telah selesai (dari suatu urusan),

tetaplah bekerja keras (untuk urusan yang lain)

(al Insyirah : 7)