just another side, another opinion, another part of my brain

Jujur,
Kadang rasanya ga terima dan iri kalau membayangkan dia bahagia.
Satu sisi hatiku rasanya ingin melihat dia sama sengsaranya denganku,
Merasakan apa yang kurasakan.

Kadang rasanya ingin protes,,
Hey,,he’s the one who dumped me! The one who hurt me so bad! Why he could be the 1st one who embrace happiness?
It should be me!

Ada semacam skema keadilan di kepalaku, yang berpikir seharusnya mereka yang tersakiti lebih dulu merasa bahagia dibanding mereka yang menyakiti,, meskipun tanpa sengaja,,

But then again I think,,
If he feels unhappy,,does it really matter for me?
My family would still face a financial problem,,
I still got hurt,,
and moreover I still got this sickness.

What’s the difference then?

Maybe I just not ready yet to face another reality,,I just trying to get used with my whole situation,,I don’t need another hurts,,another dissapointment,,

But then you never care,,not before,,not now,,and maybe never

And for now I just can’t lie,,and say that everything is ok,,I’m fine and pray for your happiness,,I just can’t,,

This time I want to be egoist,,like you always said I was,,

Lately I think,,could it be something grows in my uterus is because I’ve been holding up my thought and my feeling for so long?what a stupid thought,, :p

God, I need to moved out from here,,