happiness?

Jujur,
Kadang rasanya ga terima dan iri kalau membayangkan dia bahagia.
Satu sisi hatiku rasanya ingin melihat dia sama sengsaranya denganku,
Merasakan apa yang kurasakan.

Kadang rasanya ingin protes,,
Hey,,he’s the one who dumped me! The one who hurt me so bad! Why he could be the 1st one who embrace happiness?
It should be me!

Ada semacam skema keadilan di kepalaku, yang berpikir seharusnya mereka yang tersakiti lebih dulu merasa bahagia dibanding mereka yang menyakiti,, meskipun tanpa sengaja,,

But then again I think,,
If he feels unhappy,,does it really matter for me?
My family would still face a financial problem,,
I still got hurt,,
and moreover I still got this sickness.

What’s the difference then?

Maybe I just not ready yet to face another reality,,I just trying to get used with my whole situation,,I don’t need another hurts,,another dissapointment,,

But then you never care,,not before,,not now,,and maybe never :)

And for now I just can’t lie,,and say that everything is ok,,I’m fine and pray for your happiness,,I just can’t,,

This time I want to be egoist,,like you always said I was,,

Lately I think,,could it be something grows in my uterus is because I’ve been holding up my thought and my feeling for so long?what a stupid thought,, :p

God, I need to moved out from here,,

2011
11/19
DIKIRIM OLEH
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d' corner of my brain
luv scene
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moved on (again)

#the script-long gone and moved on
When’s the day you start again

And when the hell does you’ll get over it begin

I’m looking hard in the mirror

But I don’t fit my skin

It’s too much to take

It’s too hard to break me

From the cell I’m in

Oh from this moment on

I’m changing the way I feel yeah

From this moment on

It’s time to get a real

Cause I still don’t know how to act

Don’t know what to say

Still wear the scars like it was yesterday

But you’re long gone and moved on

Cause you’re long gone

But I still don’t know where to start, still finding my way

Still talk about you like it was yesterday

But you’re long gone and moved on

But you’re long gone, you moved on

So how’d you pick the pieces up yeah

I’m barely used to saying me instead of us

The elephant in the room keeps scaring off the guests

It gets under my skin to see you with him

And its not me that you’re with

Oh from this moment on

I’m changing the way I feel yeah

From this moment on

It’s time to get a real

Cause I still don’t know how to act

Don’t know what to say

Still wear the scars like it was yesterday

But you’re long gone and moved on

Cause you’re long gone

But I still don’t know where to start, still finding my way

Still talk about you like it was yesterday

But you’re long gone and moved on

But you’re long gone, you moved on

No I can’t keep thinking that you’re coming back

No

Cause I got no business knowing where you’re at

No

And its gonna be hard yeah

Cause I have to wanna heal yeah

And its gonna be hard yeah

The way I feel that I have to get real

I still don’t know how to act

Don’t know what to say

Still wear the scars like it was yesterday

But you’re long gone and moved on

But you’re long gone

But I still don’t know where to start, still finding my way

Still talk about you like it was yesterday

But you’re long gone and moved on

But you’re long gone, you moved on

But you’re long gone, you moved on

eh eh, oh oh

eh eh, oh oh

But you’re long gone, you moved on …

*sometimes moved on can be tiresome,,especially if you gone through the same old place,,the same old problem,,the same old love,,*

2011
11/15
DIKIRIM OLEH
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luv scene
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God Must Be Kiddin’ Me

Sometimes I think that God must be kidding me,,

When the one I love was decided to leave,,
though I don’t know why I love him,,
since he never been there for me.
Not when I feel sad,,
When I’m sick,,
When I have lots of problem,,
or even when I’m asking him,,
without any dignity left.
Still I love him.

When the one I want was suddenly dissapear,,
though I’m not loving him that much,,
I want to be with him,,
when I started to put some hope on him,,
he suddenly take a step back,,
and dissapear,,
but then somehow I still want him,,

And finnally,,
The one that come from my past coming back so sudden,,
bringing back some good memories,,
when I don’t want to repeat that whole memories once again,,
Though he did a couples sweet thing when we’re still in a relationship,,
He’s there when I heard my dad got sick, he’s there when I have lots of problem,,
He even came when I got sick back then,,
came away from yogya to my hometown with only one time I asked,,

Then I wondering,,
Why things got messed up like this??
Why can’t they come on the right moment??
when I want them on the exact moment,,

Don’t know wether God want to make me learn some lesson,,
or just kidding me,,
but there must be some perfect plan that God have been made for me,,
And since I can’t see the future,,
the only thing I can do for now is go where’s the road brings me,,

And hopefully brings me to the right person at the right moment,,
Eventually,,

2011
11/09
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' corner of my brain
luv scene
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fallen

Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outerspace?
And im learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And im learning you

And if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too

if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

if you dont mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
and Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I’d love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

4x
Deeper Conversation
let me
~yuna-deeper conversation~

When I hear this song,,somehow I remember how it feels to fall in love,,

You’ll always think you’re fall in love with someone you have a crush with,,

’till you really really feel that everything about you were influenced by him,,

your mood,,

the way you’re thinking,,

how you make your decision,,

And in the end,,all aspect about you were considering his appearance,,

That moment you’ll know that you’re in love.

When the moment come,,and the person you love feeling the same thing,,embrace it,,never be afraid though it’s frightening somehow to feel that kind of vulnerable,,

Coz you’re lucky to have it,,not everyone could have it :)

2011
11/03
DIKIRIM OLEH
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daily
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Yuna-decorate

So you decided to see me out of the blue
Should I let you come over
I think you’re doing fine
That girl in your arms
Does she know where you come from

Almost made me move out of town
You don’t want me to be around
But I stayed anyway
Just in case

Finding reasons to hate you more than before
Like how you said you would call
But never at all
Got rid off your number that I know by heart

You left your things at my place
As if I have all the space
Cause you know I don’t mind
Just come back when you think it’s time

I’m all black and white inside
Monotonous from left to right
I decorate my house with things you love
Just in case you show up
In case you show up

2011
10/29
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
songs
2 komentar

if

Jadi,
Harusnya hari ini jadi hari yang istimewa,,karena akhirnya aku bisa ketemu lagi sama gebetanku setelah cukup lama ga ketemu,,
Oh ya dia masih sekeren biasanya,,mungkin malah semakin fresh,,
Harusnya sih aku seneng,,

Tapi ternyata,,perasaanku justru biasa2 aja,,rasa tertarik yang dulu ada,,sekarang malah hilang sama sekali. Bukannya bakal pengaruh apa2 sih,,secara dia juga ga tau kalo aku tertarik,,tapi ya dengan adanya dia,,dulu sempat menceriakan hari2ku juga,,meskipun sedikit,,

Sebetulnya aku tau jawabannya.

Sejak “dia” datang lagi,,semua jadi tampak biasa di mataku. Lagi2 cuma ada dia. Dan sekarang setelah dia pergi lagi,,jujur rasanya agak gamang lagi,meskipun tidak separah dulu. Ditambah dengan semakin dekatnya lebaran,,masa akhirnya dia pulang dan bertemu teman2nya semakin dekat,,jadi ngerasa gusar sendiri,,khawatir kejadian 2 taun lalu terjadi lagi,,saat aku melihat dia dengan cewe barunya,,

Hummhhh,,tau sih,,ga hakku juga untuk bahkan sekedar merasa khawatir,,siapa aku??but then somehow I still don’t want to let him go that easy,,

Ahahahahaha mungkin kalo aku yang cowo dan dia yang cewe,,semua akan jadi lebih mudah,,mungkinkah??somehow I doubt it,,

Oohh I hate myself to be like this,, I used to be tough girl,,I have face lots of even worst broken heart than this one,,and I can stand up again,,though not that easy,,and once I’ve decided to move on,,I can done that,,

But why this one should be different??when I know the only chance I have is that if Allah finnally change his mind and made us a soulmate,,

If I really can’t be with him,,then I wish Allah would erase my feeling to him,,soon,,
And replace him with someone better,,

2010
08/24
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
daily
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fall in love and broken heart repeatedly to the same person,,

So,
I met this perfect guy,though he didn’t think himself as perfect,,he did to me,,
Don’t ask why, coz I don’t know either,,
The only think I know, is that I have this deep crush on him and as the time goes by, it became love accidentally,,

We have try to get along for a while, but then I face my 1st broken heart with him,,

Things are getting hard for a while,,with me trying so damn hard to forget and letting him go,,

But after a while,the communication are open accidentally

And I’m fallin in love again,,

But when things are going well, I realize that he’s not that into me,,and I face another broken heart,,

Maybe I should’ve gone since months ago,,but then again I can’t,,
He’s the one I want to be with,,not only for now,but for tons of year in front of us,,
And now I’m facing the only option I have, to let him go,,seriously now,,

Could I?
if only he could really see me,,

2010
08/20
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
luv scene
personal
tentang perempuan
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crush in crush

What if,
You like someone,quite much,,
But not so much ’till you want to be with him…
For the rest of your life,,

still you don’t want him to be with anyone else,,except you,,wanna enjoy his smile beside you,and see his soft eyes to you,,

Then what would you do?
Would you fight for him or just let him go??

2010
08/03
DIKIRIM OLEH
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daily
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juni

aku bosan merasa sedih,,

rasanya ingin kubakar saja semua hal yang membuatku sedih itu

tapi,,

ternyata aku menghargai kenangan itu jauh melebihi ekspektasiku sendiri

dan ini bukan karena kamu,,

karena aku memang seperti itu

sesederhana itu

2010
06/20
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' corner of my brain
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…and just like that

in the end,

we would do anything for someone we love to make them happy

,,,

but would they do the same thing for us??

and if we already lose everything for them,, would we regret it?

2010
06/13
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' corner of my brain
luv scene
quote
tentang perempuan
Tulis komentar

studyholic

so,

I don’t smoke, I don’t drunk, I don’t use drugs, and hopefully I wouldn’t have to experience a hang over, or overdose.

my addiction is still linger only in books and foods section, maybe guys sometimes *wink*

but tonight,

I thought about one kind of addiction; how I put this, I wanna be a *lets called it* studyholic.

For whole of my life I never really study properly. all I do was only study before the exams or when there’s homework that had  to be done. the best efforts I’ve done maybe only when I was facing my graduation from junior high school, looking for college after graduated from high school and when I faced my undergraduate thesis final exams. the experiences I won’t do it again, if I have any option :D

so because of that experience, I was wondering, how it’d be felt to addicted to study, getting really interested about something, and do maximal effort to mastering the thing?

2010
04/25
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' corner of my brain
nostalgila
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perempuan dan ambisinya

jadi,

ternyata kemarin adalah hari kartini. dan saya tidak sadar.satu lagi bukti kekurangnasionalisan saya hehe but i’m not doing that on a purpose. i swear. *ngacungin dua jari membentuk lambang peace*

tapi sebetulnya ada alasannya sih, ada hal yang sedang kupersiapkan, and that occupied my mind a lot.

bicara soal hari kartini buat orang indonesia tentu saja identik dengan masalah ke perempuanan. dan jelas kehidupan masyarakat akhir2 ini sudah sangat sangat maju dan berubah. emansipasi wanita didengung2kan diseluruh dunia.

tapi kenapa aku merasa ada hal yang berbeda dengan konsep emansipasi wanita pada awalnya ya?

hmm,,

dulu aku pernah dengar, katanya laki2 dikalahkan oleh tiga hal:

harta, tahta dan wanita.

jika dia tidak dapat digoda dengan harta, maka sodorkanlah tahta. atau sebaliknya. dan bila dua2nya tidak mempan, maka sodorkanlah wanita di depan hidungnya. dan jika salah satu dari tiga hal itu akhirnya menggoda imannya, maka keruntuhannya hanya tinggal menunggu waktu.

dan untuk perempuan?

nafsunya sendiri adalah musuh besarnya. bahkan kata si papah, kadang perempuan justru jauh lebih rakus bila dibandingkan laki2.

perempuan dan ambisinya.

sangat mengerikan apa yang mungkin dapat dilakukan perempuan untuk memenuhi nafsu dan ambisinya. u won’t ever know what would they do to get what they want. that’s why i prefer to make friendships with men.

aku sendiri bisa dibilang perempuan yang nggak punya ambisi. tanya aja si mamah. she would agree without hesitation. :D aku punya terlalu banyak si papah didiriku, baik fisik maupun sifat. ya, aku punya target. tapi aku menggapainya hanya sebagai satu titik dalam hidup yang harus dicapai, so my life would worth to live. hanya itu. menjadi wanita karir sebetulnya adalah impian si mamah yang tidak kesampaian. and as for myself? it’s just one thing i have to do, coz i still have lots of responsibilities, and i want to be independent enough without worrying about my financial problems.

sejujurnya dulu aku sempat bercita2 untuk menjadi ibu rumah tangga. aku ingat pernah bilang begitu ke seseorang diawal masa kuliah. aku pengen jadi ibu rumah tangga yang sukses. mungkin karena si mamah adalah ibu rumah tangga. yang kubayangkan adalah bangun pagi dan menyiapkan seragam dan sarapan untuk anak2 dan suamiku. kemudian menyambut mereka pulang. that was my perfect picture of my future life.

coz i just want a simple and peacefull life.

tapi sejak si papah sakit, well everything change. and i learned about life in a hardest way.

and i appreciate simple life higher than before.

2010
04/22
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' corner of my brain
d' world
learning..
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tentang perempuan
3 komentar

soulmate-natasha bedingfield

Incompatible, it don’t matter though
‘cos someone’s bound to hear my cry
Speak out if you do
You’re not easy to find

Is it possible Mr. Loveable
Is already in my life?
Right in front of me
Or maybe you’re in disguise

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Here we are again, circles never end
How do I find the perfect fit
There’s enough for everyone
But I’m still waiting in line

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

If there’s a soulmate for everyone

Most relationships seem so transitory
They’re all good but not the permanent one

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
If there’s a soulmate for everyone

that’s natasha bedingfield’s song, soulmate.

to be honest, i don’t really like the song, but the lyrics is good enough.

somehow, it touch me, coz that’s how i feel lately.

becoming a soulmatehunter.

funny, ‘coz i know someone who made a statement exactly like that. someone that i used to want ones. but then still we search in a different way. if only we found each other, then we could stop searching again.

ehehehehheheheheheh,,stupid.

how easy  life would be, if everything goes on the same simple formula like that.

but then, life is never flat. they move around in a very complicated circle. and it would surprise us…

if only we could see them on the right perception.

:)

2010
04/22
DIKIRIM OLEH
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d' corner of my brain
d' world
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kangen

saya sebetulnya kangen sekali bwat ngepost disini. selama 23 hari di jogja ada banyak banget cerita. tapiii,,,sayangnya saya sangat lelah dan mengalami busleg :P walhasil, kerinduan saya cuma dapat ditumpas dengan beberapa baris kalimat ini.

oh ya, saya sedang asik dengan “rumah baru” niy, lagi beres2, dan mudah2an tidak lama lagi akan bisa dibuka pintunya untuk teman2 singgah.

well, anyway, gudnite, my dear friend,,

hope we can dream what we like,,

c u soon,,

*groookkk*

2010
02/24
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' corner of my brain
ga meaning
4 komentar

fenomena dunia kecil

jadi,

malem ini aku lagi-lagi mengalami yang namanya fenomena dunia kecil,

karena ternyata orang – orang yang saya kenal saling mengenal juga. jadi kaya lingkaran kecil. ato jogja emang semungil itu ya?

hmm…

eniwei,

malam ini saya mo berdoa,

“Tuhan, semoga saya tidak insomnia parah lagi malam ini”

amiiinn

2010
01/27
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' world
ga meaning
personal
temen2
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insomnia

jadi,

aku punya teori soal begadang. dalam kasus pribadiku, begadang itu semua diatur sama pikiranku sendiri. semua media pembantu semacam kopi sama sekali tidak berpengaruh selama aku memutuskan untuk tidur. tapi meski aku ga minum kopi, kalo aku pengen begadang, sampe pagi juga kujabanin.

dulu aku selalu becanda, masalah tidak akan mengganggu waktu tidurku. seringkali malah aku butuh tidur untuk membuat perasaanku lebih baik kalau ada masalah.

tapi akhir2 ini sepertinya ada yang salah dengan otakku. ada saat2 dimana saat aku sudah mulai mengantuk dan terpikir untuk tidur, tiba2 saja secara reflek kantukku jadi hilang. meski aku sudah membaca buku2 pengantar tidur, tetep aja pikiran ini ga mo berhenti dan beristirahat. mencoba tidurpun rasanya percuma, karena yang ada aku cuma akan gulak gulik di kasur dan mengecek jam setiap beberapa menit sekali. menghitung kambing juga malah bikin aku makin konsentrasi memikirkan angka selanjutnya.

lalu apa yang harus aku lakukan saat aku ada beban pikiran, tapi tidak bisa tidur dan badanku berasa ga karuan karena belum tidur sama sekali?

masa aku harus minum obat tidur? :(

*pict taken from www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/jza0125l.jpg

2010
01/27
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' corner of my brain
daily
2 komentar

strawberry fields forever

so,

tonight somehow i felt a little dissapointed of something. it came so suddenly, and made me a little disturbed. sharing didn’t make me feel better.

so i played this song over and over again, taken from the across the universe soundtrack, and surprisingly, this song made me feel so much better. hmm,, maybe because i like this song lately,,

Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out.
It doesn’t matter much to me.

Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.

Always know sometimes think it’s me, but you know I know and it’s a dream.
I think I know of thee, ah yes, but it’s all wrong.
That is I think I disagree.

Let me take you down, ’cause I’m going to Strawberry Fields.
Nothing is real and nothing to get hung about.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.
Strawberry Fields forever.

*lyrics taken from http://www.sing365.com

*pict taken from http://www.amazon.com/Strawberry-Fields-Forever/dp/B000X9S1P4

2010
01/18
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' corner of my brain
daily
songs
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I’m leaving *wishing* on a jet plane

Oh. Wow.

2009 is almost come to it’s end.

And I wonder, what I’ve done this year? Did everything going so well or there’s some bad times too??

So I think.and try hard to remember, through my terrible memory, about everything has passed.

And I found most of my targets were failed to accomplished :D

Oh ya, the biggest target of the year, my graduation, been accomplished. finnally.

But the next target, to get a job, still seems so far away from my hand :(

And I’m behind the date of my another targets, and my aging won’t stop to pass through.

But still I’m hoping for the best years of my life. The years when all my dreams could come true.

Starting next year I wish.

So let’s just believe, next year would be better than this one. Though I would still treasure my memories on this 2009.

And sing…

“I’m Leaving – this year *wishing*- on a jet plane” :)

2009
12/28
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' world
special
2 komentar

Stare

These are things I feel but dont want to say
incase you feel that way
these are things I know but dont want to say
incase you feel that way
I’ll wait another day
I can never change
cause the pain just makes me want to stare
at the same things I saw before
thinking there’s something wrong
god it’s a lonely place

I will never know how you feel
about the things I think about
will I get a chance to make up to you
all that I kept from you
you know I wanted to
I can never change
the pain just makes me want to stare
at the same things I saw before
thinking that something’s more
god it’s a lonely place

say the same things you said before
wanting you even more
god it’s a lonely place

I can never change
the pain just makes me want to stare
at the same things I saw before
thinking theres something wrong
god it’s a lonely place
say the same things you said before
wanting you even more
god it’s a lonely place

*marjorie fair*

2009
11/27
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
song to inspire
songs
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curiousity

if we just want to be there for someone

feel sad when they sad

feel happy when they happy

even if it comes from someone else

what would that feel called?

 

coz i can’t define this feeling

 

2009
11/22
DIKIRIM OLEH
KATEGORI
d' corner of my brain
Tulis komentar
Ikuti

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